Metric Abuse
Metric Abuse is numerical theatre. It uses percentages, KPIs, and performance language to project rigour even when the figures are context-free, selectively framed, or too vague to verify.
This page targets searches for meaningless business metrics, vanity metrics, and how numbers can sound precise while saying very little.
What this category measures
Quantified claims that imply seriousness without making interpretation possible.
Statistics that appear informative until you ask "compared to what?" or "measured how?"
Why it shows up so often
Because numbers create an aura of objectivity, even when the underlying story is still mostly decorative.
Because executives know a slide with percentages usually gets challenged less than a paragraph with plain English.
How the detector spots it
- Percentages without denominators, baselines, or time windows.
- Abstract references to performance that do not explain what improved in practical terms.
- Numbers doing emotional work that evidence should be doing.
Real examples
Engagement is up 37%
From what baseline, using what definition, and among whom? Details have left the building.
We achieved significant performance uplift
A number once existed somewhere near this sentence.
Our KPIs remain robust
The dashboard is healthy. Whether the business is healthy is a separate conversation.
Ready to test it on live text?
Detect some bullshit